very interesting night.

just finished walking home and changed into my pjs. charmaine never made it home either...

he.... i don't know how to say any of this.


i danced with him. 3 breezers and i was drunk. drank 'em quickly too. on at least 3 seperate occasions we had people we know "party boy" us apart temporarily. haha, as i said. very interesting.

at the end of the night paul said to me: "he's a better man for you than i ever could be" (roughly quoted. i was drunk)

thing is, we're not "together" or "seeing eachother" or "dating" as he told Jackie.
we do all the things a couple does. holding hands, kissing randomly, dancing together. sleeping over.... but we're not together or anything....? *sigh*
apparently i'll find out on wednesday that he's "a cold-hearted bastard" as he puts it. personally, i can't see that being true. He may never/not for a long time tell me that he loves me. i'm okay with that, because, i don't honestly know what love is and i've used that phrase all too freely in the past. but that wouldn't make him a cold-hearted bastard. if he still cares, then that's what matters. if he wants to be with me, then that's what matters. not his unsure and awkwardly cool(as in cold-ish) goodbyes.

but i still have sooooo much to learn about this boy. his past, his present, his future.

i can't see myself crying over him. but, i might.
he likes me. i like him. we like eachother. we're very attracted to eachother. we have chemistry, though he needs some help with.. uh.. ... ya. pills are needed...? heh. that's on the dl though.
still, there's a bonfire there. but i don't want to move too quickly. our levels of experience are dramatically different and i do wish that wasn't true. on my part, that is. but at least he knows my past.

but, i get so ...... on by so much about him. what he does, his finger tips, his body, his 'mmmm', his voice, his kiss, his eyes, his smile. and he likes the taste of my cherry lip stuff. lol.

and when he takes charge, signalling with slight pressure from his hands, or turning us over without my knowing how he did it... it's even worse.
i get a sparkling tension and chill when i think about it and i make so many more typos than before.

his arms wrapped around me...
his lips on mine..
his gentle touch.
his easy sway.

all so nice. so new.

and he had a crush on me Long before he first talked to me. He had a crush on Me!!!!!!!!!

that just astounds me.

so i let him know how he is.. like.. the epitome of hot. despite his having no fat on his body at all. actually, i kinda sorta really like that and am incredibly turned on by it. but he doesn't have to know that.

his awkwardness and insecurity is due to a medical issue.
he's only ever had 4 girlfriends.
his first kiss was at band camp in grade eight and the girl made his lip blead by biteing on it.
he played tenor sax.
i was at the same camp as him in s'toon i think.

anyways, time for me to have a morning sleep-away.
and imagine that he's actually still right there beside me...