i'm.. stupid.
yeah.. so, sour puss is off the drinking list for a long time now.

and, temporarily, so is vodka.

wore my contacts, slept in them. wouldn't have trusted myself to get them out in the state i was in last night anyways. but, i either forgot my glasses at cassie's or i lost them entirely. somehow. eff.

can't work without them, so i have to call work and tell them... and i'm starting to feel more nauseous because i'm worrying about it now. should i tell them i'm sick and i lost my glasses. or just that i lost my glasses. or just that i'm sick. i dont' know.


and now, i find out that i Am waiting for a boy once again. I told mysel i wouldn't ever do that again... but i might... just until wednesday. at the latest. and he won't tell me why..
apparently if he didn't explain it right(and he didn't actually explain it at all) it would seem like he's playing games. but i guess he's not...?

i told him why i wasn't supposed to kiss him. he understood. he found the idea of a woman that could hold her own. not depend on a guy. especially emotionally. to not Need a man. and... i made a general statement to the effect of: that's something i've been working on..

i'm pretty sure i'm still partly drunk. and i'm definitely a bit more nauseous.

i just wanted it to be over while it was happening. i was thinking this one thought in a very coherent manner. i really want this just to be over..
apparently someone took a picture of him and i sitting outside the club. i remember a chick walking by and freaking out. i left my shoes on our deck when we discovered that he'd brought another girl's purse instead of mine. they took me to luther and dan put me in his bed, with a garbage can dealy beside the bed and i fell asleep.

i woke up this morning feeling quite decent in comparison. my mouth tasted disgusting, but i wasn't hung over. just a little bit... talkative... yeah, that's the word.. heh.
anyways, time for me to make some decisions and call work and drink water and sleep. wow, i feel stupid and disgusting.

and a little bit obsessive about this waiting thing. and why... i don't even know.

but he wants me to wait for him. and i want to wait for him because i really want to be with him.
and apparently he had a super hard time not asking me out at some point this morning...
and it was funny how easily i deflected his kisses... he didn't really believe i could or understand how i could, but it's very easy for me.. except when saying goodbye-ish-ness.

so, i'll wait. i don't know why i'm waiting. and i'm not completely reserved for him, as his yet. not until he does ask me out. so, in philosophy, i won't feel bad about flirting.

i just effin wanna know why.

ooh, tummy going a bit icky... must calm down. not think about it, call work tell them i can't come in. if they ask why, give them whatever reason springs to mind first. then if they dismiss the idea, tell them the other reason. drink water. sleep.
*nod*