After tonight, I will live clean.
No more junk food.
No more coke.
No more pop.
No more random smokes.
and, hardest of all to give up,
No More Alcohol.

but tonight, those rules don't apply. tomorrow they will. so, tonight is my last night of indulgence. at least for a long while.

i must eat healthy. or relatively so. as much as i can.
catsup will be a friend when eating leftovers.
makeing meals with the sister will help a lot.

omgosh! he wants to make supper with me. like chinese or something. noodles? *shrug*

i'm fine with that.
but, every guy i've made some sorta food with, it hasn't worked out.... but then again, there were other reason's for that.

dan and i both don't have much time.
but i said that as long as you do want to be with the person, that's what matters. seems like he does want to be with me. he wanted to know about the tint in my glasses. he wants to make a meal at my place. he's been initiating conversation. and time spending together.
he explained why he doesn't always hold hands with me. he explained it like saying a word so much that it doesn't even seem like a word any more. hand-holding ends up feeling necessary, like you always have to do so. it begins to mean less and less. which makes total sense. and it's a very, very good thing for me to know.
we were talking about what we want in a partner, or person. i can defend myself. and, apparently, i can throw a punch. yay.

so, after tonight, i take the first step to becoming a heathier me. and i will do it without someone else's influence. independence. without gluttony.

no more overindulgence. except in eating. i should feel like i'm overindulging when eating meals. because i don't eat enough as it is right now.
i must eat. and more healthily. easy meals need to be bought. makeing kd needs to happen more. small bits of deli need to be bought. and more often.
wish i'd figured all this out before fall hit. before the cold started hitting. damnit. cause i'd walk/bike there more often.

no more overindulgence
or gluttony.
no more junk
or sugar.

no more cheap chocolate... :( *sigh*
giving up an addiction.
but, there mustn't be exceptions. tonight, it is over.

one more chocolate martini. hopefully
also hopefully with dan.
because i said i'd have one with him

so, perhaps i'll share that one last drink with dan.


anyways.