this morning i dreampt that i had a baby. a little red-headed one, i think. i didn't know how to change diapers(i don't right now).
i didn't know who the father was.
i had a sneaking suspicion. but i couldn't pinpoint the name or face. or the time the little one was concieved. math confounded me in the dream(as it does in real life). i had an impression of who the father was, but no names or faces from my real life came up. someone else did... which is wierd...
i don't think i went through the whole pregnancy thing though. it was like... baby!
now that i think about it... the readheaded father would be brendon. i've contemplated what i'd do if i had brendon's child(because i had thought i might've been pregnant a little bit ago) and i don't think i'd tell him. because he's cut off contact from me. and so i wouldn't have even contacted him about it. not until the child was born. and i don't know if i even would then. one reason being my hardheadedness in not contacting him again about anything. another being that he believes that a married couple should "stay together for the kids". that was a HUGE red flag for me. y'see, i think that if one is married and has made that comitment, they should try to work it out with their partner. they should try their hardest. but if they are miserable(meaning, they never should have prolly have gotten married in the first place) they should not stay together. even if there are children involved. the children will end up thinking that being miserable is okay. that a relationship with lots of conflict is normal. that sleeping in different rooms all the time is also normal. it's not. and i'd hate to raise i child that would think this way.

i'd rather go it alone and show the child what life should be like. not that it should be hard, but that you shouldn't put up with any bull. that you should be strong and stand up for what you believe in. and that you should find happiness, above all else.

but, i must say,

thank effin goodness i'm not pregnant.
and especially thank God i'm not pregnant with brendon's child.


that would be a horrible mistake and a miserable affair.


anyways. i must get ready for the day. sculpture crit today. i think i'll survive this one decently well. and i think the sculpture turned out a lot better than i'd imagined it would. yay.

as a little side-note: i never thought that something so simple would give me this wierd feeling... dan changed his msn name to just being his name... and i was like.. wohw! and i'm like.. butterflies!

haha, crazy.
i might actually get to go on a real fricking date with him tonight!!!!!!!!!! That would be Freaking Awesome!!!
anyways... heh. on to getting ready. then class. then to a mall with dan or something. then i'm not sure. could be a decent day though.

oh! wait, something else(there's always something else, isn't there.. *rolls eyes*)
in my dream. there was something about jewelery. and my dad and i going to a mall and inside a jewelery place or something..... or at least a male figure and i... but one that knew me well enough that i'd find something i like/want in a place like that. and that it was esp. bad if i spent the money(that i don't actually have) on something.
yet i bought something. a ring i think it was. silver. a larger band. much like the one i have now. yet, i think i didn't have this one, and i did have that one swirly ring still. the one i lost like... a year ago? a long time anyways. but the ring i bought fit on my thumb or pointer, if i recall right... no, not my thumb... but still..
*shrug*
the baby thing mighta been from watching grey's anatomy. george delivered a baby.
the ring thing mighta been from when i got this ring a couplea months back.
the redhead thing could be from the edited childrens book someone did in drawing.
and the mall thing might be my thinking about going to a mall with dan today.

there was also something about my cousin being there. sue. and someone else... and i think mishka was there too at some point...
anyways, that's a bit too far gone to remember correctly.

Okay! Now i seriously must go.
so i'm gone