Oh my, i forgot to mention an amazing moment..

i was laying in his bed, still un-clothed, not wanting to get up and get ready at all. he brought out his video camera and i was like... *cover the naughty bits*... lol and he told me to say something witty. i was like, i don't know what to say, all smiling and such. and he said to just say what i was thinking. so i said i like laying in your bed. or something like that. which, i really do like.. a lot. but, umm, yeah...
so, on my way walking home, every time i thought of it(and even now when i think of it) i'd get this smile on my face. i just can't help it. it feels like one of those moments in the movies where they look back on a videotaped memory that's all smiling, shiny, happy, and glowing... *sigh*

i dunno if i want to see what i look like in it. lol. would prolly ruin that moment for me.

but, seriously, i feel like a glowingly happy woman in love in that moment.

so, after i'd said that, dan was like, good enough, and then shut it off and came over and kissed me, smiling.

i don't know if he knows that not everyone has this type or sort of magnetic spark or energy. i sorta told him that last night. he made no comment. but if he feels it is important, he'll voice his opinions and concerns regarding it sometime. and, of course, this magnetism is very problematic. he almost made me wonder if he was gunna just be like... fuck it, and give up on the no-sex thing. but i wouldn't have let that happen. nope. not at all. he's having trouble with it.
but i think it Will be a good thing in the end.


that song... i think it's called never really know and by some rap artist. 's one of the songs that dan put on my ipod for me. the last verse caught me. the whole song did, but the last couplea lines really speaks to what should matter for people. for me. for everyone.

"appreciate them to the fullest extent, and then beyond.
'cause you never really know what you got, until it's gone"

i will hold him when he's next to me
i will care without needing sex.
i will appreciate him.
i will, eventually tell him that i love him.
i won't let the abortion or sex issues get in the way
and i will show that i love him without words.



because words sometimes induce a fear that need not be present..


*sigh*


daniel....