paul

one of the few ex's whom, when i think about, I think of fond memories, a nice guy, a friend.. He was the first guy to break up with me, the one who, I think, hurt me least. The one who held me and gave me kleenex when he ended it. he hated seeing me cry. seeing me hurt. but, i was unstable... he told me that he almost wanted to say he loved me, but as a friend, and that was all. But, also the one who kept eyeing me up at cabarets, checking me out, looking at me..
He never opened up to me when we were dating... Never really had a reason to.. Didn't know me well enough. Definitely not well enough to let his guard down.. and the krista he knew, knew a lot less about love and life than did the krista back then.... he was Her 4th. he was her first date after cody. he was many things...
i thought i'd loved him then, but i didn't know what love was. i think there was love shared between us though... the unspoken kind... like when he held me, safe, in his arms... when nothing else mattered but how tightly and securely his arms held on to me... how his body felt with mine.. That deep emotional connection that we both felt in those moments.... i think that's a little bit of love in itself...
He opened up to me tonight... he told me how his anger goes... he does not strike back, but he does get back... and when he walks away is when the other person should be afraid... he doesn't anger easily though. mainly yelling or getting frustrated over electronic things that should work but aren't working.. i said i'd find it kinda cute and laugh buy try to hide my laugh. hehe. and i do find it cute.
but he said something about the shadowy crevices of his mind. and i was like, naw, not shadowy, just. you. lol
i like it so far.
and i do.... i mean, we are very different... but... with patience.. it might be able to work. but it is up to him... he may have been a tad tipsy and that mighta been why he shared that.. or those're his true feelings....
he said he finds it hard to open up. because when he has a little, he's been hurt.
i asked if he had a really fragile heart. he said he must. n that's why he's gotta guard it. he gets me when i ramble a little and and when i wouldn't make sense to others... I've just gotta wait and see what happens...

Take it slow. Let him talk to me.. Let him come to me.. Give him time. and See, maybe if he sees what I see right now...
That little bit of companionate love.
That I am a bit of a different me, with many lessons learned..

I dunno. guess we'll see with time. And that's all i have right now.. Time to spare. Time to wait. Not for someone to persue me, but time to wait and see what happens. With everyone.
And I think I'll recomend we just get to know eachother first with whoever's next. especially if it's Paul. Make sure he knows me better. Make sure we are compatible. Make sure he's That Into Me this time. And who knows.. after all that, he might just be 'the one'.
*shrug*
or aaron. lol
only time will tell