i'm hurting... despirately so. it kills me to know that dwayne is understanding now and that i do still feel for him. makes it harder to know that i made the right choice. *sigh* i hope i did. but i know that he'll be there still if i decide i made the wrong choice. does that make me a bad person? i don't know... wish i did know...

he keeps talking.. hurting.. both of us.

Dwayne says (12:56 AM):

i dont know how anyone can just not love someone they did love

Krista says (12:57 AM):

then maybe i don't know what love is.... i don't know..

i really don't...

Krista says (12:58 AM):

i'm sorry if hearing that hurts too, but really...

Krista says (12:58 AM):

i am going to stop talking now, as all i can say will hurt you more

Dwayne says (12:59 AM):

no worries i get it i was just a thing

Krista says (12:59 AM):

no, you weren't

Krista says (1:01 AM):

you meant a lot to me. you still do. but i'm young. i don't necessarily know all that i want. i change my mind about things. my heart... is very damaged. always has been, always will be. i need to deal with it and everything about me on my own right now. i have a lot to figure out.

Dwayne says (1:01 AM):

ya i'm sry

Krista says (1:02 AM):

as am i. 

Dwayne says (1:02 AM):

i guess we just felt diferent

Krista says (1:03 AM):

i did feel the same... my feelings do change though... a lot. with every day i'm learning. i miss what we had. but everything has changed.

Dwayne says (1:04 AM):

i'm glad to hear that for you but i was all in kristadoll ,getting out takes a bit more

Dwayne says (1:06 AM):

you must still care or this wouldn't hurt you

Krista says (1:06 AM):

i know.... i really do know. it's going to take me quite a while to be ok with myself. ihaven't been for a long time. i have some major issues to work out.

Krista says (1:06 AM):

i do care. a lot.

Krista says (1:06 AM):

i just... 

Dwayne says (1:07 AM):

i know thanks for some closure babe i needed it goodnite i love and miss you no matter how you feel

Krista says (1:08 AM):

thank you. guess i needed it too.

Dwayne says (1:09 AM):

good nite and take care

Krista says (1:09 AM):

you too... you too.

and now i'm crying....

so much for no more tears... though i guess i've yet to say that for myself...

*sigh* i won't be ready to truely move on for a long time.... i should also not kill myself by trying to substitute my pain with another's company.... this is so deeply painful..