Krista says (4:13 AM):
do you know the feeling?
Greg... says (4:13 AM):
i do why?
Krista says (4:14 AM):
i don't know.... i just....
Krista says (4:14 AM):
i feel so alone.
Greg... says (4:14 AM):
that an ongoing feeling for me
Krista says (4:14 AM):
it's killing me right now
Greg... says (4:15 AM):
i'm used to it
Krista says (4:15 AM):
could you want me? could anyone want me...?
Krista says (4:15 AM):
i'm not used to it...
Krista says (4:15 AM):
i don't think i can get used to it
Greg... says (4:15 AM):
i don't know
Krista says (4:15 AM):
heh....
Krista says (4:17 AM):
sorry....
Greg... says (4:18 AM):
its ok
Krista says (4:18 AM):
heh...
Krista says (4:19 AM):
seriously tho... what's so wrong with me that no one seems to really want me...
Greg... says (4:19 AM):
i have the same feeling about myself
Krista says (4:19 AM):
well i know you're very attractive
Greg... says (4:20 AM):
i dont feel attractive
Krista says (4:21 AM):
but you are....
Krista says (4:21 AM):
definitely are
Greg... says (4:21 AM):
how?
Krista says (4:22 AM):
well, from what i've seen, you're features are sexy, your body, very sexy. i can't say about in real life, as i've never met you there... i haven't had the chance to get to know you, as you haven't really let me...
Krista says (4:22 AM):
i know your intelligent, which is incedibly attractive
Greg... says (4:23 AM):
thanks but i feel like a monster
Krista says (4:23 AM):
why?
Greg... says (4:24 AM):
i cant explain
Krista says (4:24 AM):
oh?
Krista says (4:25 AM):
i feel disgusting.... like no one can or will ever truely want me.... like it's impossible to love me really and truely.... like no one will ever want to cuddle with me or be simply innocent. like all anyone wants is more than what i am
Krista says (4:31 AM):
but that's just me
Greg... says (4:32 AM):
there are a lot of people that feel like that
Krista says (4:32 AM):
i guess....
Krista says (4:32 AM):
but knowing that doesn't help me much
Krista says (4:33 AM):
i just need someone.... and i know if i find that someone, that there'll be something else there... something special.. whether it ends up being just an incredible friend, or a new love... someone who'll just hold me tonight...
Krista says (4:33 AM):
but.. no one.
Krista says (4:35 AM):
i know most people feel that way at some point... but, really..... i doubt they feel it to this depth. and even if they do, it doesn't help to know that my feelings are so trivialized cause i'm not the only one who feels them..
Krista says (4:36 AM):
i am sorry for the slightly drunken rantings your getting right now, but... in wine(which's what i've been drinking) there's truth... and i wish someone would just let me in. let me past those damn barriers they hold up, and let me know them for who they are...
Greg... says (4:37 AM):
i do every day
Greg... says (4:38 AM):
and my barriers are the worst
Krista says (4:38 AM):
i've been able to tell that from the little i've talked to you....
Krista says (4:39 AM):
kinda wish i could get past them... but i dont' think you know me well enough, and i don't know how you ever could
Greg... says (4:39 AM):
its to the extent i'm emotionally retarded
Krista says (4:39 AM):
hmm?
Krista says (4:40 AM):
emotionally retarded? more like, withdrawn to an extreme that nearly no other person knows
Krista says (4:40 AM):
has anyone gotten past those barriers for you?
Greg... says (4:40 AM):
i know it
Greg... says (4:40 AM):
i'm a biological robott
Krista says (4:41 AM):
i dont' think so...
Krista says (4:42 AM):
your more human than some people.... you feel more pain than most... i think....?
Greg... says (4:43 AM):
i don't
Greg... says (4:43 AM):
the only time i feel pain is when i want to enjoy pain
Krista says (4:43 AM):
ah... heh...
Krista says (4:43 AM):
so feeling like a monster isn't painful?
Greg... says (4:44 AM):
no
Krista says (4:44 AM):
how?
Krista says (4:44 AM):
or, rather, how not?
Greg... says (4:45 AM):
i don't get caught off guard
Krista says (4:45 AM):
?
Greg... says (4:46 AM):
bet my life you could never surprise me
Krista says (4:46 AM):
i'm not a betting person...
Greg... says (4:47 AM):
good idea because i only bet when i can't lose
Krista says (4:47 AM):
ah, fun..
Greg... says (4:48 AM):
not really
Krista says (4:48 AM):
i suppose...
Krista says (4:48 AM):
*sigh* i'm not all that surprising i guess tho.
Greg... says (4:48 AM):
i could surprise you lots
Krista says (4:48 AM):
oh?
Krista says (4:49 AM):
i don't doubt that, but how so?
Greg... says (4:49 AM):
most ways wouldn't be lpeasant though
Krista says (4:49 AM):
?
Greg... says (4:49 AM):
don't ask
Krista says (4:49 AM):
i'm curious, therefore i must
Krista says (4:50 AM):
if your gunna say you hate me, then i'd rather not know. otherwise, i'm definitely curious enough to ask
Greg... says (4:50 AM):
i don't hate, there is no purpose for it
Krista says (4:51 AM):
i suppose
Krista says (4:51 AM):
but that's not my point
Greg... says (4:51 AM):
want to see me put a knife through my arm without flinching?
Krista says (4:52 AM):
hmm.... that'd be interesting..
Greg... says (4:52 AM):
between the bones
Krista says (4:52 AM):
wow... fun...
Krista says (4:53 AM):
i would rather not see it, as i care to much... but... not surprising that you might do it...
Greg... says (4:53 AM):
what about me lifting the front end of a car by myself?
Krista says (4:54 AM):
impressive, but i've heard of mothers doing that to save their babie
Krista says (4:54 AM):
babies*/children
Greg... says (4:54 AM):
i can do it any time
Krista says (4:54 AM):
do you want me to be surprised? or do you even care?
Greg... says (4:55 AM):
no adrenaline needed
Krista says (4:55 AM):
very impressive....
Krista says (4:55 AM):
and... sexy
Greg... says (4:55 AM):
what would surprise you?
Krista says (4:55 AM):
umm...
Krista says (4:55 AM):
i don't know
Krista says (4:57 AM):
you being able to kill a child or baby without thinking anything of it or flinching would surprise, astound and disgust me... if anyone i know would or could do that, i'd have the same reaction
Krista says (4:57 AM):
even if i didn't know them, it still.... yeah...
Greg... says (4:58 AM):
i could but i wouldn't
Krista says (4:59 AM):
and what would stop you?
Greg... says (4:59 AM):
its not logical to take life
Krista says (5:00 AM):
ah....
Krista says (5:00 AM):
so, you feel alone.... yet you don't feel pain?
Greg... says (5:00 AM):
yup
Krista says (5:01 AM):
humm...
Greg... says (5:01 AM):
actually i don't feel at all really
Krista says (5:01 AM):
but...
Greg... says (5:01 AM):
i just am alone
Krista says (5:01 AM):
you don't mind being alone then?
Greg... says (5:02 AM):
i only have basic needs
Greg... says (5:02 AM):
want to hear a saying i have?
Krista says (5:02 AM):
sure
Greg... says (5:05 AM):
how can you tell what you want is what you want and what you need is what you need if what you want is what you want and what you need is what you need, what you need is what youw want, and what you want is what you need, so if what you want is what you need and what you need is what you want and what you need is what you need when would what you need you want and want want is what you need and
Greg... says (5:06 AM):
what you want is what you want. so if you need is what you want and need and what you want is what you need and want then would you need nothing at all?
Krista says (5:06 AM):
wow.... slightly confusing...
Greg... says (5:07 AM):
if you really want to think abotu it and write it down, you will realise that it is a nonrepetitive statement and it is completely true that there is nothign to need or want in life
Krista says (5:08 AM):
but... what if there is an intrinsically built want or need...
Krista says (5:08 AM):
that when we live we want and need things...
Greg... says (5:08 AM):
nothing is instinctual
Krista says (5:09 AM):
not instinctual... i'm talking on a spiritual level... tho, i guess that's going in a whole different direction and is a whole different debate than what you'r talkin about
Krista says (5:10 AM):
and a whole different debate than i can get into tonight in this mindset and at this hour
Greg... says (5:10 AM):
any way you look abotu it there is truely nothing you need or want at all in life
Greg... says (5:10 AM):
its all because you dont' have to live
Krista says (5:11 AM):
true.. but.... when you want to live...
Krista says (5:11 AM):
there is a will to live
Greg... says (5:11 AM):
the "instinct" is to eat and drink, learn, etc. but in the end you die regardless
Greg... says (5:12 AM):
so any wants or needs you have are completely negated because you dont need them after your body has left this place
Krista says (5:12 AM):
but you do while your body is still here. and the immediacy is what dictates a want from a need
Greg... says (5:13 AM):
for starters it society that dictates that, without social norms(addictions) there would never be any reason for life
Krista says (5:14 AM):
that goes to say that without social norms, there wouldn't be life
Greg... says (5:14 AM):
there also wouldn't be a need for life
Krista says (5:14 AM):
then why are we here?
Krista says (5:14 AM):
why are we alive
Krista says (5:14 AM):
to want and need?
Krista says (5:15 AM):
therefore, there is a reason to want and need
Krista says (5:15 AM):
tho we migh tnot know wha tit is
Greg... says (5:15 AM):
we are here because of a rebelious nature, why are there more stupid people then smart people
Greg... says (5:15 AM):
its jsut the way it is
Krista says (5:16 AM):
then there's a need for a rebellious nature
Greg... says (5:16 AM):
no there isn't
Greg... says (5:17 AM):
there is no need for life, its just here
Krista says (5:17 AM):
then how come we exist?
Krista says (5:17 AM):
there must be a reason, if reason is so important
Krista says (5:18 AM):
if logic is so important
Greg... says (5:18 AM):
there is no point to any of it
Greg... says (5:18 AM):
its just here
Krista says (5:19 AM):
hmm... then gettting to this point in this is sorta moot cause it's been based on logic and reason... i think anyways.... but i tend to disagree anyways. i feel the need to think there's something more...
Krista says (5:19 AM):
i want to believe there's some reason to it
Krista says (5:20 AM):
but that's just me
Greg... says (5:20 AM):
that is mostly religious faith
Krista says (5:20 AM):
i suppose
Krista says (5:20 AM):
if you want to put it that way
Krista says (5:20 AM):
then i guess this "religious" girl(hahahaha) needs to sleep
Krista says (5:21 AM):
cause, well, keyboard to forehead prolly doesn't feel so good
Krista says (5:21 AM):
specially with the likely hangover that's going to insue tomorrow
Greg... says (5:21 AM):
thats why i don't drink
Krista says (5:22 AM):
i'm really thinking of giving it up... it's done me no good.. specially lately
Krista says (5:22 AM):
we'll see tho
Krista says (5:22 AM):
*shrug*
Greg... says (5:22 AM):
can i say one thing?
Krista says (5:22 AM):
sure
Greg... says (5:24 AM):
if there is a need or want for life then why do people have adiction?
Greg... says (5:24 AM):
why are you drunk?
Greg... says (5:24 AM):
that is an addiction that is destructive toward life
Greg... says (5:24 AM):
or drugs
Greg... says (5:25 AM):
or any other bad thing like calores
Krista says (5:25 AM):
to escape not being able to get those things we want...
Greg... says (5:25 AM):
smokes
Krista says (5:25 AM):
self destruction?
Krista says (5:25 AM):
social acceptance?
Greg... says (5:25 AM):
and if there is a need for escape then why isn't it one thing that is general across the board
Krista says (5:25 AM):
because we're too damn stupid not to
Krista says (5:26 AM):
hmm?
Greg... says (5:27 AM):
the only true compromise to life is death, the only true escape, but some people that need to escape don't die and some people that want life end up dieing?
Krista says (5:28 AM):
i don't know... i relaly don't... i want to escape... i don't wan tto die cause, well, i still have hope... it hurts, it always hurts, constantly, no matter what happens.... but i still hope... someday i might get what i want, someday i might be happy.. might find someone, find love... i dunno
Krista says (5:28 AM):
it's the hope that keeps me going
Krista says (5:29 AM):
plus, i wouldn't know how to kill myself best if i were to kill myself, truely escape
Greg... says (5:29 AM):
then why punish yourself with somethign as destructive as alcohol to "get away"? why not deal with the pain and make things better?
Greg... says (5:29 AM):
if you have faith you wouldn't need addiction
Krista says (5:29 AM):
cause i don't know how to do that properly
Krista says (5:30 AM):
i don't know how
Krista says (5:30 AM):
i'm lost
Greg... says (5:30 AM):
and food is an addiction that was instilled the day you were born
Krista says (5:30 AM):
i'm stuck
Krista says (5:30 AM):
i'm stupid
Krista says (5:30 AM):
blame it all on that
Greg... says (5:30 AM):
one more
Greg... says (5:31 AM):
as far as beign in a relationship
Krista says (5:31 AM):
ugh... relationships....
Greg... says (5:31 AM):
being in love with someone is pointless because you are attracted to men because you want to procreate
Krista says (5:32 AM):
it's more than procreation... it's bonding... it's....... love.... unexplainable....
Krista says (5:32 AM):
i think anyways
Greg... says (5:32 AM):
so that would lead to the actualization that being in a long term relationship is all to glorify yourself(anyone )
Krista says (5:32 AM):
i felt it twice a little, but it never lasted
Krista says (5:32 AM):
i guess...
Greg... says (5:32 AM):
its all about false goals and hope
Krista says (5:33 AM):
i'll have to sleep on that one....
Greg... says (5:33 AM):
ok night
Krista says (5:33 AM):
i think i may just have the exact opposite opinions/views as/from you
Greg... says (5:33 AM):
and thats ok
Krista says (5:34 AM):
yes, it is..
Krista says (5:34 AM):
but continue this conversation another time
Greg... says (5:34 AM):
ok night
Krista says (5:34 AM):
feel free to say hi first sometimes
Krista says (5:34 AM):
g'night
